Femdom spanking - a straight male switch's perspective

I don't know whether you ever look at femdom spanking videos; certainly, up until a few years ago, I gave them a wide berth. I was exclusively a spanker, and they held nothing to interest me.

Of course, at the time I was largely obsessed with male/female spanking, so the idea of a lady dishing out the punishment wasn't really my thing at all.

As I've commented elsewhere, my kink continues to evolve. Over time I grew to appreciate the plethora of female/female spanking videos that the 'net offers. In fact, I actually came to like them better than my traditional M/F interest - why not after all, with two hot ladies to enjoy?

Rather against my own expectations I then found I had a growing interest in being spanked myself, and this led me, quite naturally, to videos of women spanking men.

Let's pause and take a brief look around. The landscape here is a bit different from that we're used to in the M/F and F/F worlds that are more familiar to us.

The biggest single difference is that, in films with women as subs, in the vast majority of cases they are treated as people. Maybe not always valued, but at least you tend to see their reactions, and their faces, and they will usually have a name.

Contrast that with the average male spankee. There will, in most cases, be little build up to the spanking; the bottom will wander on, have his arse bared and be beaten. It's not unusual to not see their faces at all; we are rarely offered a glimpse of their reactions to their punishment.

Having watched a few hundred of these things I can count on one hand the number of times I've even seen a male sub rub his punished rear end.

I know it's not femdom but I love this film, and the picture does illustrate what doesn't usually happen in them.

As I commented in my post about ethical spanking films, men are also financially exploited when making these videos. They are often unpaid, and, in some cases, expected to contribute to the cost of the films that will then be commercially exploited by the video producers.

And you know what is the most worrying thing about all of this? I couldn't really care less.

For me, in a femdom spanking film there is one thing of interest. I like various types of women spanker; I love the attractive well dressed lady (I'm not at all keen on these doms who insist on wearing lingerie to spank), and I also like the matronly aunt or teacher who punishes her charge.

I focus almost solely on the lady in the scene.

The man is a means to an end. Most of the subs in these scenes are middle aged or older. They tend to be a bit scarce in the hair department. They will often be out of condition, maybe a bit plump or even (whisper it quietly) fat.

The majority are effectively anonymous.

Where they do have a name many sites seem only to use 2 or 3 male subs however many films they make, even when they use 20 or 30 different spankers.

The men in femdom spanking films are second class citizens.

The male sub is, for me, a place holder. He's like those little blue balls used in special effects blockbusters, that are subsequently replaced by a CGI monster - just there to give the human actors something to act against.

I always imagine myself in the place of the spankee.

This makes the films far more arousing to me than the average M/F or F/F film, which I watch as an interested observer. I may wish I was performing the spanking, but I don't imagine that I am.

When I see an F/M film I leap into the action; the looks of the male model are irrelevant. My total immersion in the film does, of course, influence the type of video I want to watch; I am a self-proclaimed spanking wimp, so clips with men being severely caned hold no interest for me.

I like OTK spankings, hands and slippers, leather paddles and flat hairbrushes. I don't mind the odd caning, especially if given over clothing, probably because I can then imagine I'm back at school, a naughty boy being dealt with by his fearsome Headmistress (I was never caned at school, although I am old enough to have been educated during the corporal punishment era).

Having an attractive male spankee, focusing on his face and his reactions, actually takes me out of the scene.

Pandora's Dreams of Spanking takes a different approach to most femdom producers; they actually show their male subs some respect. They employ a variety of body types, including young attractive men (usually only seen in gay M/M spanking porn), and show them from all angles.

This puts me into something of a quandry. I can certainly appreciate the ambition of these films, and their quality, but I'm not sure how much I actually like them.

The other day I posted a picture of Molly Malone as a nurse spanking Vincent Brennan (see, I can acknowledge that male subs have names), and commented that I loved the film. I do. I have a thing for nurse spankings (especially F/M ones). I love OTK hand spankings, especially ones that proceed from trousers to the bare. Molly is gorgeous and convincing.

Another still from the same film - a real favourite

It has everything I could ask for in an F/M film. 

I still mentally replace Vincent with myself of course. It doesn't matter that he's (objectively) an attractive young guy; he could be 65 and butt ugly - I'd still love the film.

Let's turn it around a bit.

Suppose it was a male patient spanking a nurse. And the nurse was an unattractive, overweight older woman. Would I like the scene just as much then?

Society and personal taste conditions us to find certain physical types more attractive than others. I like my female spankees to be attractive (to my eyes); whilst the scene might not be ruined for me, it certainly wouldn't be one I'd want to return to often.

Traditionally most porn is produced for the consumption of men. This as as true of spanking porn as any other type. I think that most men who watch femdom spanking porn are like me; the top is all important, with the sub being basically a surrogate.

One of Pandora's stated goals is to make spanking porn that will appeal to everyone; this doesn't mean that every film will float everyone's boat, but that her site's content will have bits that satisfy all tastes.

This naturally includes the female spanking fan. And it's entirely reasonable for women to want to see attractive men being spanked. Surely this is hugely self evident, but yet it's an area largely ignored by the mass spanking video producers.

So then, as a fair minded individual, I can see that Pandora is doing a praiseworthy job in filling a need that others choose to neglect.

I do however have a problem with it. It's purely a problem of my own invention, but I wonder how many men reading this will feel at least a little of the same concerns.

I am a heterosexual male. I am relaxed about homosexuality and I do have gay male friends. None of that "some of my best friends are gay" bullshit. My best friends, as it happens, are straight, but that's their choice, not mine.

Do I protest too much? Hopefully not.

I've always felt pretty secure in my sexuality, to the degree that I have treated with contempt those guys who hate the mere idea of same sex relationships, assuming that it's a latent fear of their own desires that is the root cause of their problem.

Or they're just dicks. But either way...

Hey, we're all friends here, aren't we? I can come clean with you. I find myself enjoying Pandora's femdom films a bit less where the male stars are young and attractive.

I just find it harder to put myself into their place. I am forced to see them as people, rather than just being a bottom, and I don't particularly like that.

Given Pandora's all embracing approach I doubt that she has a specific target audience in mind for each individual film; she makes films she would like to see, and presents them for all comers to admire, enjoy, or dislike. 

Where one of the DoS films hits a number of my buttons I can rise above my petty dislike of attractive men. There's a film of Pandora, as Headmistress, slippering a recalcitrant student. He's young and attractive, but as this fits squarely into my fantasy world, I can replace him and enjoy myself.

Just to show what a sad conflicted little (well, largish) git I am, I have a further confession. When I watch most femdom films I really don't care that I don't see the subs reactions, as they're me. When I watch one of Pandora's films I actually do like to see how they take their punishment.

It seems to me that. while usually I live out the fantasy of the spanked male, with a better class of video I step back and admire it as a piece of art. 

My only problem with Dana Kane is that I always want to see her get spanked as well

This clearly leads me to the realisation that Pandora's femdom films are actually too good for me to enjoy them wholeheartedly.

That's obviously stupid. Although maybe not. Sometimes a low budget b movie can be much more fun than a well made and sensitive character piece.

I have previously described DoS as "the Penguin classics of spanking sites". Unfortunately this suggests that the films are worthy rather than enjoyable, and that's not my intent. These films are quality, and should be seen by anyone intending to make spanking films (in the same way that quality literature should be read by anyone intending to produce quality fiction).

This really makes me wish I was over Nimue's knee

While I don't like every film Pandora produces DoS holds a number of my all time favourite spanking films. We'll talk about that another time.

I've just read back what I've written, and it seems that I've entirely ignored the elephant in the room. Well, time to be brave, and take that particular tusker by the tail.

Perhaps one of the reasons I dislike watching good looking men being spanked is that, subconsciously, I'm worried that I'll find them attractive. I'll enjoy the swell of their bottoms. And other stuff.

Perhaps I'm not quite as comfortable in my heterosexuality as I've always assumed.

Hmmm.

I'm a man. Most femdom spanking porn is produced with me as it's target market (leaving aside the issue of severity, at least). The average male spanking video satisfies and arouses me, without any innovations being required.

I have mentioned the Miss Strictland group of femdom spanking videos in my review of The Institute of Discipline. In some ways these are a hybrid of the traditional femdom films, and a slightly more respectful approach.

Yes, the clips are basic in storyline and have a very small group of male subs. The men though do vary as to physical type, and cross a decent range of ages.

And yes, they do pay their male subs, once a free test film has satisfactorily been completed.

One of the better things the films do is to use a wide variety of angles, including showing the face of the spankees. They also show shots from behind, above and below the spanker. The guys are identified by name, usually directly in the speech of the lady spanker.

There is still something of a lack of respect. I hate to hear spankers refer to their victims abusively, and the epithet "you little shit" is sometimes bandied around too easily. Given that many of the spankers are supposed to be aunts or teachers I find this a jarring use of language.

Hand on heart; I like these films a lot, for all of their acknowledged shortcomings.

I bet they don't have a huge number of female subscribers.

I'm left with one simple question; is it possible to make femdom spanking films that are entirely satisfying for both men and women?

I suspect that, in the most part, it isn't. The continuing success of traditional male oriented femdom sites suggests that they fill a very real need. Although this could just be laziness; the historic acceptability of these clips to their target market makes it unnecessary to consider improving them.

It's perhaps a little ironic that films purporting to show women in charge actually arise from a male dominated need.

I absolutely accept that they do not meet the needs of many women spankos. Pandora's films do a far better job of that. 

To be fair, if asked to sit down and write the perfect femdom spanking film, I'm not sure where I'd go with it. And, more importantly, how I'd want to cast it. I suspect I'd propose myself for the role of the submissive man.

I feel, as usual, that I've wandered a bit far from the point here. The conclusions that I've reached, such as they are, reflect my prejudices and desires. Many will disagree, I'm sure.

Enough for now.

All the best

Tim

Pictures are as attributed, but from either Dreams of Spanking or Auntie's House, one of Miss Strictland's sites