Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Does Your Mother Know That You're Out?

You know, seeing a professional spankee was entirely worth it, if only for the number of blog posts that I've gotten out of it.

I just want to address one last issue that came out of my session last week (yes, I have said that before, and no, I may not really mean it this time either).

While we were chatting before the spanking began, Winks asked if my wife was aware that I was seeing her, as many of the men she sees are visiting her surreptitiously, and this sometimes could create an issue with any marks that might be left.

In fact my wife was fully aware of what I was doing, for several reasons, some of which are rather more pragmatic than others:-

1. we have a joint bank account, and it would be difficult to explain away more than £100 vanishing suddenly
Doesn't Pixie look gorgeous in this shot?
2. my wife works from her car, and sometimes pops home during the day (which has sometimes led to spanking and/or sexual shenanigans); whilst she doesn't track my every move she would certainly ask where I had been 

3. we've been married for 25 years now, and I think she must know all of my tells; I don't think that I could lie about something like this

4. I have health issues, and it's really not a good idea for me to be much away from home without my wife knowing where I am, just in case something were to happen.

5. I was really up and bouncy in the days before my session, and almost serene for a couple of days afterwards; I'm just guessing but I think she would have spotted something was up

6. spanking is incredibly important to me; it affects a large portion of my life, and to exclude my wife from something relating to it just seems wrong

7. we are honest with each other, and we do share. It never occurred to me not to ask her if she was okay with the idea.

Lots of good reasons there; none of which mean that, introducing the idea was easy. At first she was puzzled by the idea, and then a little hurt that I felt the need to go elsewhere for something she knew was very important to me.

After I listed the advantages, not least that it took a little pressure off her, she thought a bit more about it. Years ago she said that, if I were to spank another woman behind her back, she would consider it cheating, purely because of how intrinsic spanking had become to my emotional well being. I was able to persuade her that the financial element of the transaction created an element of emotional distance, and placed matters on a different footing.

Of course, over the years our spanking relationship has changed; when we first got together I often spanked her just for the sheer joy of it, but gradually spanking became purely a form of foreplay, and never happened outside of the bedroom. In the last 2 or 3 years, largely since I acquired an interest in being spanked as well as spanking, this has swung back the other way quite a bit, and my wife has been able to accept that spanking does not automatically have to have a sexual component.

In the end she sent me to Winks with her blessing; probably Winks being of a similar age to us made things easier for her too, as she didn't feel she was competing with a younger woman. When she got home last Wednesday she was eager to learn all the details of my experience and how it made me feel.

She could easily see how uplifted I was by the whole thing, and we had (very quiet but devastatingly powerful) sex that night, with my daughter asleep and my son downstairs watching tv.

Having now a clearer grasp on what happens, and of the mutual benefits we may enjoy, she has also sanctioned a session with a younger spankee in three weeks time.

So, all of this is fine for me, but what about those spankers with partners who aren't aware or supportive of their predilection? Back in the early days of this blog I remember exchanging views with Secret Spanker (hullo there, if you're reading this - you've come a long way since then) about the problems of living within a relationship with something that defines you remaining hidden.

Clearly if you're in this situation you have no option other than to visit a spanker whilst keeping your partner in the dark, however hard that might be.

There is another scenario of course; if you discuss the idea with your partner and they flatly refuse to agree to  you seeing a professional. What would you do then?

I have no easy answer to this, I'm afraid. I'm glad I didn't have this particular dilemma. It's easy to glibly say that, as your partner doesn't respect your needs you needn't respect their fears and concerns, but were you to go behind their back and they found out, your relationship could be irreparably damaged.

Of course, being forced to exist without indulging in spanking might easily create frustrations and resentments that would also scar your relationship beyond all repair.

There are no easy answers.

I'd love to hear the opinions of my readers.

All the best


Pictures are all from Punished Brats today, just because I wanted a selection of M/F shots


  1. I was really glad to read that you were able to attend a session with your wife's blessing. I know so many kinksters trapped in vanilla relationships and they have my sympathy. Before the internet it must have been so much harder to learn about the range of sexual possibilities available, and which of them you might be interested in pursuing, before committing to a marriage. Especially at a time when sexual experimentation was less normalised and accepted.

    Speaking in terms of my personal/romantic life, I consider people who are deceiving their partners to be off limits. But in a professional session, I don't think I would have that boundary, any more than it's any of my business whether or not my website viewers are deceiving their partners. When you provide a professional service your clients' personal lives are not really your business.

    1. I honestly don't think I could have gone ahead with something that made me nervous anyway without my wife's support. I really feel sorry for those amongst our brethren who have to hide what they are.

      I can't imagine how difficult it must be to survive like that.

      And I agree with everything that you say in the second paragraph although it's a bit moot for me, as I haven't experienced sessioning non-commercially.

      I think that might be harder to explain to the missus (and she really hates that phrase!).

      All the best