I know what I get. A few moments of pleasure, a warm feeling and a sticky piece of kitchen tissue.
Oh, is that a little crude?
If you think so, I suggest you avoid the rest of this post; there may be some strong language, and the odd discussion of a certain bodily function.
Still here? Well, you were warned. Today I'm going to talk about wanking.
Yes, yes. I could be more circumspect; I could refer to it as masturbation, or self relief. But come on, you and I are not ones to walk on tippy toes around an issue, are we? Let's call a spade a spade, and getting off a good one a wank.
A while ago Pandora wrote a blog post asking how we watched spanking porn; I have an easy answer to that. With one hand on my dick. Well, honestly, what else do you watch porn for?
If you want to tell me it's for the elegance of the scripts, the sumptuous costumes, the historically accurate sets, the skillful performances of the actors and the sweeping direction, well, yeah, I suppose I've seen all of those to one degree or another in a spanking video, but really, if that's the main reason you do it, you are wasting your time and your money.
Hollywood does all of those things better, and more consistently.
They don't often make me want to polish my knob though. (Um, that may be British slang - I'm pretty sure context makes it plain that I mean wank).
Secret Spanko did a post about his activities when he had the house to himself for a night; he referred to how he passed the time as a wankathon. Lovely word. You have to admire the honesty. And probably the stamina that suggests. How many times do you have to cum for it to be a wankathon. 26 times? Shit, mate, no wonder you've being looking so tired.
I've posted a number of spanking stories at the Kilahara Library of Spanking Fiction; I actually had one rejected. It was a pretty explicit piece, in which I strove for realism, describing an evening in the life of a spanko/alcoholic, who gets more than he bargains for when his wife spanks him for real. I admit it's not my best work, but not all experiments are totally successful.
The moderator rejected it initially because she thought it was a report of real life rather than fiction. I still don't understand why that should be an issue, given they publish letters from actual magazines (all right, but some of the letters may be true, and at least they purport to be). I confirmed that I had made it up, and I was told it didn't fit into the ethos of the library, as it was pure wank fiction.
Now I can understand the official position of the Library being that the stories they publish are not porn; many feature children as protagonists, and that would raise some uncomfortable ideas.
However, spanking is a sexual fetish, whatever else we sometimes say. Accordingly we are likely to get aroused by reading about it. I get aroused typing the fucking word! To get to the point - of course people read the stories in the Library to become sexually excited, and, potentially, to help them to a happy wanking conclusion.
Sometimes we shy away from this reality; we cover it with the illusion that spanking is a hobby. We could be building model railways. Could we? Well, only if a train entering a tunnel gives you a throbbing hard on.
The amount of time we devote to it, spanking is more than a hobby. It's an obsession (and yes, I know, some people go to absurd lengths to pursue their hobbies, but I think you have to admit that those who do are obsessed themselves). Hobbies just pass the time.
To clarify; there's nothing wrong with obsession, as long as it doesn't take over your entire life. I actually tend to approve of it; people who don't care excessively about anything are dull, bland little non-entities. I want commitment and passion, damn it!
Even if it's just to making your dick hard. (And I'm sorry if I seem to be ignoring my valued female readership - please feel free to substitute "pussy wet" for "dick hard").
Back to the passion thing; I'm serious about this. If people do not care excessively very little gets done. It is the driven individuals in society who produce innovation, whether in technology, music, literature, social engineering or porn.
Can anyone seriously spend time at Dreams of Spanking and tell me Pandora isn't driven; it's clearly a committed work by someone who cares more than deeply about their subject (not their art. Never their art! God, I hate that phrase).
I'd go as far as to say that the same is true of most spanking site producers; spanking is a passion first and a commercial enterprise second. It's certainly true for Paul and Lucy at Northern Spanking, the Chief at Triple A Spanking and Miss Shan.
So, is it wrong to become obsessed about something primarily sexual? Clearly I have a somewhat biased view of this - I am a wanker! (or am I Spartacus? I get confused).
Sex, and each individual's sexual foibles, are vital to who we are. This is a true for the repressed prude as for the most voracious sex addict. But most of us fall in the middle somewhere.
I am obsessed with spanking? I believe so. It is important enough to me that I spend a portion of everyday thinking about it, or writing about it, or watching porn featuring it. Oh yes, and, most days, wanking.
I seriously think that I wank now more than I did as a teenager. Of course, I may just have more time on my hands (along with that gooey sticky stuff).
The thing is this; I love the feelings associated with sex, but, in a three bedroom house, with two teenagers, it is difficult to find times when we are alone, and have enough privacy, to have sex. Loud unconstrained sex anyway.
If we manage it 4 times a month we're doing well. I hate the lack of spontaneity; we sometimes plan for a couple of weeks in advance (for instance, my son has arranged to be out on 18th February, so we are now actively encouraging our daughter to plan something for the same day, without wanting to appear as though we want rid of her!).
My wife sometimes arranges a day off work, just so we can spend a couple of hours in bed.
We have a healthy and varied sex life. Three years ago we barely seemed interested in each other; now we're like teenagers, keen to try new things. My body may be flabby and ageing but it can still experience physical pleasure. Intensely.
Neatly bringing me back to wanking; I'm in the house alone most days. I can wank whenever the urge takes me. Pop online, surf a few favourites, boot up some of the 150 gig of spanking videos I've collected over the years. Get a tissue, have a tug. Sigh with pleasure.
So what do I get out of spanking videos?
I think you all know the answer to that.
The pictures this time are from Northern Spanking and My Spanking Roommate; any stains or smears are nothing to do with me. Isn't is about time you learned to control yourself?