I read a lot of spanking blogs, as I'm sure that many of you readers do.
I read blogs by professional spanking models, by life style submissives and by writers who are just fans of the spanking internet.
The one thing that most of these bloggers have in common is that a large percentage of them are in relationships which feature disciplinary spankings. Some are spankers and some are spankees. There are also the fairly rare switchers. But all of them spank or are spanked for breaking agreed upon rules within a relationship.
Now, as Often Red points out, this does not make the spankings non-consensual. While a spankee may not be happy to go across their dominant partner's knee on a specific occasion, they have already consented to punishment by accepting the nature of their relationship.
This is fine for those involved; it in no way adds up to an abusive relationship. Both parties get what they want, and often need, out of it.
I have been married for 24 years now, and I've spanked my wife
for as long as I've known her, but I have only once spanked her as punishment.
When I first spanked her, as a teenager, it was effectively as a substitute for sex; we were young and had not progressed to that yet. I was always aroused by doing it though, a fact of which Jude was well aware!
I suppose in a pseudo way these spankings could be termed as disciplinary, given that Jude knowingly behaved in way that would provoke me; however they were very mild punishments, maybe 20 or so smacks, and always over clothing.
As our relationship progressed most spankings led to sexual acts of one type or another (Jude has never considered spanking of itself as a sexual process); over the years we have gotten to the point where I only ever get to spank when we are engaged in an erotic tangle.
There is one simple reason for this; my wife is not a spanko. She understands the effect that spanking has on me, and tolerates my desires, but she gets little pleasure from the act. She enjoys a few smacks during sex, whilst I am actually inside her, because of the added friction, but purely on a physical level.
I am convinced that spanking, for those of us who are into it, is as much a psychological joy as a physical one; I do not, sadly, see any way of turning a non-spanko into a committed enthusiast if experiencing spanking does not work.
I recently wrote a ten page essay for
my wife, explaining, as far as I can, why spanking is important to me, and how it affects me physically and emotionally. Over the past couple of years I've become interested in switching, and experiencing spanking myself, and I discussed in some detail why I wanted this - my wife has spanked me twice and enjoys it rather less than being on the receiving end.n page essay for
Whilst she took the time to read my thoughts sympathetically, and she was happy to discuss them, they did little to change her mind; I suggested role playing a spanking scenario, and she rejected this out of hand.
All of this, of course, leads me to be fairly frustrated; I've mentioned the thought that I might visit a professional spankee (preferably one who switches) but, apart from the economic elements of this, with me being out of work, because Jude knows how important spanking is to me she feels that for me to spank another woman would amount to a sexual betrayal. To her, I would have been unfaithful.
I don't blame Jude for any of this; when we committed to each other she knew I was keen on spanking, but in those days we didn't talk frankly about our
sexual needs, and I don't think she understood how vital it was to my sexual identity. In all fairness I think that the internet, and the many avenues it provides to explore TTWD, has fostered a growing fascination with the subject in me, making it more important to me now than it ever was.
Basically I'm left with giving the odd spanking during sex, perhaps getting spanked a little even less often, and an awful lot of masturbation over videos, pictures, stories and anecdotes streaming from my PC.
It is frustrating, but otherwise I have a good life; my family love me, even on one income we are financially stable, and I get to do many things that I enjoy. I'm not whinging here - many people are far worse off. It's just that, well, spanking seems such an essentially harmless thing to be hung up on, and I do feel a physical craving to spank and be spanked much more than I get to.
Ah well. I can always imagine.