So, something a little different today; these are my self imposed rules for blogging. I'm not saying that these are the rules all bloggers should adhere to. They are just the ones that I try to stick with, most of the time.
And yes, I am a bit of a hypocritical son of a bitch (hey, careful how you talk about my Mom, sonny!) and have broken several of these already. Ah hell, I'll probably break most of the rest of them, given time. At least I'll try to acknowledge what I've done.
For all of you who don't give a damn about my opinion (please see rule no. 2) I've added some nice spanky pictures, once again courtesy of my good friends at Northern Spanking.
So then, onwards:-
1. Don't post angry. I did that once. Posted about no one answering my poll. Had a good old rant. Net result? Sod all.
2. Lighten up; this is only a blog, for fuck's sake, and odds on no one gives a stuff about your opinions.
3. Lots of pretty pictures please - 85% of readers are only here for the titillation factor (figures provided by the Commission Against Numbering Exhibitionists, in a survey of approximately 1 brain; there might be a slight allowance made for error in poll gathering of around 100%).
4. Don't be afraid; post whatever you want, irrespective of whether you think your readers will like it or not.
5. Don't chase numbers; oh, so tempting! I lost approximately 20% of my pageviews when I reviewed Strict Women (no, I didn't make that figure up, it's numerically accurate), and for a while I regretted the post. In retrospect I'm glad I made it, and I would do so again.
6. Don't get too full of yourself; readers come and readers go. Whoops. Certainly been guilty of that recently.
7. Be ambitious and reach out to people; this blog was originally intended mainly to host my stories, but now it has become much more than that, partly because I have made contact with a number of industry figures (I'm not sure that this is the right phrase - is there really a spanking industry?)
8. Be polite; no one wants a flame war. Well okay, some people do. Not me though.
9. Be honest and state your bias; you can get away with most things provided you are open and up front about them. Well, apart from being a Man Utd fan.
10. Have fun; if you're not enjoying producing your blog what the fuck are you here for?
11. Don't post drunk; slurred words are never funny in print
12. Don't post late at night; ah, alright, post whenever you get the chance. Most of my stuff is done late at night.
13. No fucking swearing! Use good old demotic Anglo-Saxon only. In all seriousness swear if you want to, but be aware that some readers may find it objectionable. And then see rules 4 and 5. And 10 probably.
14. Worship at the altar of Chross (and who knew that there were so many spankos in Germany? My third highest readership comes from there, and it's around 50% of my UK figure. Not bad for a country using a different language. Danke schon. Sorry, can't do the umlaut).
15. All of the above is subject to negotiation - does this mean I can ignore my own rules without being a hypocrite?
Ah, so what?
All the best
And may the kinks be with you (hey, Ray Davies is looking for you!)