Celebrity blogger interview - Secret Spanko

I can be fairly arrogant, but even so I'm pretty sure that if you're reading this you must read other spanking blogs as well. I read a fair number (some of which you can see over there on my blog roll); one of my favourites, which started around the same time that I started this one, is Secret Spanko.

What I like about his blog is that he's coming at TTWD from a different angle; he is totally in the closet about his obsession, even to the extent that his wife is unaware of it. He has some very interesting things to say, and he doesn't limit his comments to spanking matters. I urge you to check it out at Secret Spanko.

I though it would be interesting to get his opinion on some issues that concern me, and he kindly consented to provide some very detailed answers. I hope that you find them to be as compelling as I did; some of these responses are brutally honest and he really lays bare his soul.

1) roughly how old are you?

Late 30's

2) how long have you been married?

12 yrs

3) in your first post you mentioned that you had tried to raise the issue with your wife; was that a request to spank her or to be spanked yourself?

It was about me spanking her. My interest in being on the receiving end is very recent. The way I explained it in my first post was sort of setting up the theme of the blog, but reality is a bit more nuanced, reading it again. I have spanked my wife in foreplay --just not a lot. Several slaps- like a small portion of a warmup to most spankos, probably. She does not get into it, and thinks it's weird and sick that I want to do that to her. (Which she brings up later) and she has seen some spanking stuff left on the computer, which led to a big fight and she told me I need counseling, etc...

She'll still sort of indulge me and allow me to spank her a very little during sex, but I'm hesitant to because I know she's definitely not into it, and will likely bring it up in a fight later. Besides, "you've been a good boy, so you can spank me just a little" is a very different dynamic than a spanking spanking I desire. I've even tried recently to suggest that I've been a bad boy and need a spanking, but she's not into that, either.

So I've basically gone underground as far as my interest in spanking. Just easier to keep the peace.

It is very interesting that you bring up my first post. I like looking at first posts of blogs. It's insightful, but it's a shame because almost no one looks at the first post because the blog doesn't have an audience or links to it in the beginning. Maybe "first posts" is a good topic for a blog post.

4) how do you cope with keeping such a major part of yourself from your wife?

Not easily. This is a difficult question to completely answer without getting intensely personal. I'm conflicted and feel a little guilty about it. I have a lot of irons in the fire, and a lot of worries and hopes and projects, and I do a decent job at compartmentalizing them I guess. Our schedules (and my lack of needing much sleep) help, because I have time alone on the internet.

There's also a great deal of rationalization going on too. As in... I don't tell my wife much about work. (She would be bored) and she doesn't tell me much about school gossip or how much she spends at certain stores or anything. So there's that.

Plus, this secret little fetish of mine I guess is not JUST a sexual fetish but also an outlet to express myself, maybe rebel a little. (I'm otherwise really boring!) I know an engineer who's an exceptional piano player- it's a completely wasted talent that he only uses for fun. Doesn't do him much good. That's kind of how blogging is for me, though I'm not saying I'm exceptional at it, it's completely useless in my real life, but I enjoy this creative outlet. That's part of it, and a big part of why I'm enjoying my blog, but not a full explanation.

Maybe it's better this way than to try to fit a square peg (her) into a round hole (spanking) that she's clearly not into. Maybe it's like that south park episode where they take kids to the don't-be-gay camp but it doesn't work so well and this is just a part of my sexuality that I can't control because I'm weak willed. That's not a great answer, or even a full answer, but it's a start.

How about an easier question?! I promise not to ramble as much.

5) do you find it hard to come up with topics for your blog? Do you have a process for inspiring them?

I don't have a process for coming up with topics. I sometimes piggyback off ideas I have while reading other blogs. I joked with Erica Scott that she was my muse at one point after about 3 of my 4 topics were at least partially inspired by something that she had posted. I think I've mentioned your blog a time or two as being part of the inspiration for a post. Other times, I just try to come up with something that I haven't seen discussed before. (Maybe in an effort to actually contribute something rather than borrowing ideas.) I just talked myself into a post topic in my answer to your 1st question above!

6) do you ever get discouraged by a lack of feedback? My comments to pageview ratio is less than 1%; What's yours like?

Never checked that until you asked the question. Yup, just over 1%. Although if you took out my responses to comments, as well as what I call "back-scratching comments" where the comment on my blog was almost a response to a comment I made on someone else's blog, the percentage of feedback is even lower.

My response rate based on that ratio might be just a bit better than yours because I've never been in the chross-hairs of that page view cannon! I have received a few unsolicited emails of folks that are truly secret spankos but are so secret they don't want to comment, and I treasure those.

7) I loved the account of your meeting with Dana. Have you had any further encounters?

Yes, and I haven't blogged about every spanking encounter I have on purpose. I don't want readers to think either a) "wow he sure writes a lot about spanking to have only participated once every few months or so!" Or b) "wow what a male spanking slut!" My actual spanking activity ebbs and flows.

Plus to some extent, it's a privacy thing. Don't want to spank-and-tell (or get spanked-and-tell) every time. Don't want to say "I'm meeting so-and-so tomorrow afternoon- can't wait!" Because someone could find out where they were, and then where I'd be, or maybe they don't want it known what their schedule is like,etc...

But stay tuned, don't want to give away too much, there's more to come and for my throng of clamoring fans, you just might be seeing my quivering reddened behind in action here pretty soon.
8) Obviously, like me, you're switchy. Do you find that you get very different things from the two roles? What are the principle differences?

Absolutely. Giving a spanking is a huge sexual turn on. Not as much for me in being on the receiving end, although there is an element of undeniable sexual excitement before and after.

However, there's something mentally relaxing in just completely letting go and taking it without being "on" at all. Don't know if that makes much sense, so I'll try to explain. I'm not naturally a people person, but I have to deal with people almost every day, so I can turn it on. Sometimes it can wear me out. Some days at work I have meetings and have to make the right impressions and constantly be watching what I say and try to be charming and have an agenda (or agendas) that I'm trying to push... by the time I drive home I'm worn out. If you've ever taught - a class, a lecture, etc... you know what I'm saying about being "on."

When I'm giving a spanking, like I said, it's a huge sexual turn on, but magnify the being "on" by quite a bit because not only are you paying attention to what's being said and what you say but also body language, etc... I don't know how professional spankers do it. I love it, but it's exhausting.

Now getting a spanking is completely the opposite. I'm not charming, I'm not witty, take my pants down this is me in my rawest form. Completely off, but unlike a massage, that complete relaxation is coupled with a white knuckled adrenaline rush --because it fucking hurts!-- and it's quite an experience. I do feel that every self-respecting top should experience a spanking once or twice for educational purposes, and it really adds to the appreciation of giving one too because you know how much it hurts. That's sort of how my interest in being on the receiving end began, but somewhat surprisingly, I kind of liked it too.

I'm going to leave it there; I can add nothing to these words, which I think describe the attraction of bottoming perfectly.

All the best

Tim

Pictures from Northern Spanking and Strict Women